Please read post for full context; any help or input is appreciated! I disclosed sensitive info to a close female coworker (let’s say Ann), who is best friends with the male coworker mentioned (Ned). I’m sure she told him, but then they both seemed to want me to still tell him directly. I did because I believe in doing the right thing, and Ann also was a huge help for something relating to my info, even though I strongly did not want this secret to spread. Ned kept it secret; however, I detest how he started feeling like he had the upper hand and could manipulate me like a puppet to do stupid intern shit for him like repeatedly printing files, including evenings and even attempted to reach me on the weekend by text. I ignored and replied from my work email the next Monday. I could see in his eyes that he had romantic thoughts about me which is largely what made all of this sickening. Ann also went behind my back to tell my private business to one of our other coworkers, who is extremely judgmental and tough on people, and even he did not exploit it - leading us to actually become much closer and respect each other.
What pissed me off the most was when Ned - and Ann - ganged up and tried coercing me into letting him drop me off at home on a Saturday night after I reluctantly made sacrifices in my schedule to meet with them two - choosing to ignore my multiple clear “NO” about the ride as I preferred public transportation. I was having a panic attack in his car while they just relentlessly and repeatedly egged me on, thinking they could break me. They finally let up after going back and forth, and I went home by public transpo.
Ned went to a different team so we didn’t talk for months. I then updated everyone in a mass email about my leaving the overall group, and that’s when he called. Again, he waited until evening - after work hours - to call me. I instantly feel disgusted as it took me back to that traumatic experience. Why can’t he just get the hint and drop it? I did not reach out to him directly to update him, even though it is related to the original sensitive info, because I do not want to talk or encourage anything! I do not want to keep in touch with someone who completely disregarded my preferences and basically nearly kidnapped me. I have no interest in him platonically, romantically, or professionally. Should I call back, text, email from my soon-to-expire work address, email from my personal address, or ignore him? I’m afraid it’ll still bug me if I ignore. I also want to be on good terms with Ann (she has some connections where I’m heading to and I fear she’ll retaliate), even if she doesn’t understand what went wrong and no one has apologized since that incident.
I agree, thank you! That was the worst part of it all. I think it brought back some of my past trauma as well dealing with this other nasty mean pair ganging up on me. I was several years younger than that pair too. Some people just love to try exerting control when it isn’t even about that. In this case, it was as if Ann kept trying to matchmake us and felt like I owed that to her, blatantly asking my age and stating that he is X years older, asking what my type is, blaming me for “creating distance” when I always take public transpo home and simply wanted to again - on a Saturday night at that. Do you think they might retaliate though, especially Ann? I don’t know why I’m so afraid of that part
I don’t know if they’ll retaliate. I would prepare for that, though. Whatever you do, do not give them more ability to contact you. Try to keep records and keep it professional with Ann until you are out of the position. Once you are in the new job, it will be easier to distance yourself from them. And if Ann starts shit after you have started, it will be easier for you to point her out as the instigator.
The situation sucks, and I hope you have a better and easier time going forward. But it sounds like Ned and Ann are predators, and should be outed as such.
All true, thank you! I really hope so too. I’ve never been treated that way before, especially in a setting that is fully meant to be professional by definition.