Guns N Roses. It amazes me that there are people who listen to them in purpose. I can’t stand them. But 90% of it is just because of Axl Rose. Slash is a great guitarist, and it’s a shame he’s drowned out by the sounds of a clown punching a cat.

Hell yeah! Thanks! Never wanted to get married. But I super do, now! I can’t wait to point out her ass to all the staff at our retirement home.

I played a song I wrote about cannibalism at an open mic night she was bartending at. She told me she liked my song and gave me a high five. I wanted to ask her out, but didn’t want to corner her while she was working, so I made some jokes and left.

She sent me a friend request on Facebook, so I sent her a message asking her out. Said something like, “Yo. You’re real pretty, and I wanted to ask you out, but doing that kind of thing while you’re behind a counter seemed uncool.” She said she was flattered, but she just started seeing somebody (I missed her by a week). She asked if I wanted to be friends, and I told her I was super attracted to her, so I wasn’t all that into being friends (in a super unshitty way). Being buds with someone I have a crush on is almost always a bad idea. But I didn’t completely close the door either.

I kept running into her, and we wound up getting closer anyway. I kept my boundaries (for the most part), and never hid that I was interested in her beyond friendship, but also wasn’t a lil creep about it, nor did I pressure her about anything, or try to guilt-trip, or any of those yucky things dudes do when they’re interested in someone who wants friendship. I was just very clear that I liked being around her, but wasn’t trying to be her best friend or anything from the get.

Her boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic, and like two yearas later, wound up on jail for a few months on his third DUI. She started hanging out more, I made my move, she dumped him while he was in jail (the only real safe way to do it), and now we’re engaged as fuck.

Sometimes people have to work shitty relationships out of their system, and I kinda pride myself on finding the balance on being around and available, but not TOO available, and real clear about my intentions. Wound up with the coolest, prettiest, kindest person I have ever met. I got hella lucky.

Oh I’ll be “Stayin’ alive,” alright.

When I was a kid, my parents were thinking about building a house. The name of the contractor who was helping them was named “Kari A Hammer.” I might be spelling it wrong (I was eight), but that was his actual name.

I like to think he wanted to be a tattoo artist or something and hated carpentry, but was forced into it because of his name.

Somehow I just saw these replies. That all sucks! I found him super entertaining. But fuck all of that.

Ah shit, what?

Red Letter Media. Movies with Mikey, but he’s starting to focus more on Nebula. Internet Historian, but his videos come out like twice a year.

Edit: Nevermind on Internet Historian. As folks mentioned below, the dude sucks. Also it turns out my favorite video of his was plagiarized.

Therapy might help with everything you said.

I kind of see what they’re saying. If you’re on your way out, you probably shouldn’t have a ton of sway on how the world operates after you’re gone.

But that is a suuuuper slippery slope.

Someone didn’t love you right when you were little, did they?

I don’t know a whole lot about monkeys, but I’m pretty sure they don’t eat gazelles.

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Did that make you feel like a big man?

It’s also easy to remain uneasy knowing that there is almost nothing we can do as individuals to change anything. It’s like a handful of people driving the ship and none of them give a fuck about anything that isn’t short-term.

I 100% agree. The Warriors didn’t get the attention it deserved. I had a blast with it.

But women don’t poop.

I had this same experience on a second date with someone I met on Tinder. Seemed like a real fucking quick way to get myself locked up.