Shit I know exactly what are my problems, like I probably have all the extensive library of browser bookmarks on mental health relating to my stuff.
The main main problem is inability to cope with some trans related things
I won’t come out to the world in a sorry state I am in
Wait, I promise I am not. It’s just maybe that my stuff is different than what you want from life and hence your perceived notion of shitposting?
Still I will enjoy it because honestly despite all my obstacles I do enjoy life in its various aspects. Even if to watch a favorite tv show before sleep, go to the nature or immerse yourself in your hobby, these are all very lovely things.
Not to mention the taste of a really fine dish that fills you with happiness ah.
Or the pain of muscles from a day of a honest work.
Smell of the rain on a sunny day.
Even the sadness of departure is something that is pure and cleansing ultimately.
Nah I god damn love life. I just think I could love it even more if I had the guts to remove the chains of fear. I could be a queen of life then. Oh I would be a queen of life believe me.
I was born to be one but it was unfortunately taken away from me.
So that I never had the chance to show the real length of my wings and frankly quite wonderful things I am capable of if I put myself to them.
I have capacity for great achievements and extraordinary since childhood but I waste potential with some stuff that shouldn’t even be a problem in the first place. And it wouldn’t be if not for some… external factors. I just need to soar in the air once more as is my right.
I am 100% honest why does it sound like shitposting? This is what I dream of in life
I don’t know, what do you dream of then?
I really really would love to go on a boat to the ocean and all the water around you, I love water
I don’t need money to accomplish what? What I would want to accomplish actually… Well I want some nice ranch hobbit like house for once and then some nice garden but thats just one of them houses. And also some kind of nice boat
I want to have voyages on the ocean on a boat. Like self sufficient boat
I want to live in the New Zealand with a nice view maybe
That all sounds like lots of money required to me. I mean this is the things I really would enjoy in life
My port would be in New Zealand and my house too, at least one of them
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yah I probably have lots of them mental health pokemons
thats why its so scary to go
like you know teeth repair is less scary than extraction or jaw surgery
no need to be so judgy tho my bro, we all have stuff more or less.
such is the human condition
why do I really need one tho, I am curious what is that you spotted that made you feel like it
its just such a non telling comment - go to therapy. why, what’s wrong, what made you uneasy?
thank you, sincerely, this is very helpful comment and something that I don’t feel like maybe I deserve omggg I need to work on that lol
Why not someone making a nice comment, take it and appreciate it
I will pick some therapist tomorrow and we will see what kind of shit will come up, I bet it will feel fucking terrible
I don’t have any friends whatsoever since like 10 years tbh and honestly never had one. Just acquaintances and frenemies but right now I haven’t talked to anyone except family since years I think
So I guess my ways of communicating may be a bit strange and look like trolling when they are honest and there is no ill intent or malice
I like to talk online sometimes and have responses I can interact with. All cool I hope my bro take care 🥰 and chill
No I just want to talk, there is no malice nor ill intent
No I don’t want fear. I don’t want to feel fear ever again. Whatever it takes to do that I will do
Fear is a prison
I need to somehow crush that fearful part of me and kill it because it is broken
Okay I am afraid to come there to therapist actually first so maybe let’s start with that part
I want money and want to have a mindset that will allow for a swift and easy accumulation of it so then I don’t need it anymore and can focus on higher luxuries such as some kind of abstract ethics or whatever
If that means being an asshole for some time then it’s okay as long as it is helping me achieve this minimum monetary security
That’s what I have been thinking. Therapy could be a way to make the masses more productive and obey the senseless laws of society
So what I would just go there and talk about what for 150 dollars? They would sniff it out what I need or…? Or do I need to know what I need? How many 150 dollar meetings for figuring it out?
I need money and fearlessness, now give me that or at least ways to achieve it
Then there is also power I have been eyeing if I have these things but that can wait and will come with the first two
Fearlessness -> Money -> Power that’s how it looks like in the long run
However on my path I am brought down by some stupid things like daily commute problems or mental overload or anxiety. I just want to surgically cut them out
Doesn’t matter, it was a made-up clickbait and satire to have some serious talk in the comments about these things
I don’t know I am afraid though I am not very resistant to hostility
I am trans, nonbinary, xenogendrr, they gonna crucify me or something lmao
But a solid advice otherwise
Okay but if it is so essential as the contemporary society would allow you to believe then why it is more expensive than an hour with a sex worker? (At least here) somehow I cannot get the therapy prostitution connection out of my mind.
Like why would I say to some stranger (I choose based on looks and opinions lol) my feelings and pay them for it and also wait for dates available like it was some highly sought service competition and I am just some 10th gear in queue of the bucks making machine.
Not only I must pay for this but also wait patiently for a month. Some crazy stuff
And what is that will be revealed to me that I didn’t know already if anything? For an hour of feeling good after waiting for weeks I will pay 150 dollars??
I could get one pack of high quality cocaine for that /j not to mention all the stuff that I actually need to buy
And if it doesn’t work then money wasted? What does “working” even mean in this context i don’t know. Hopefully makes me earn more money because I need that.
Right now I am unable to work prolly cause some autism but who knows. I am unable to resist daily grind and emotions of commuting and working for more than a month without mental breakdown.
Will therapy fix that?
They thought I am wrong even though I am right
Yeah I guess but why not just burn them all to the ground instead? That’s doubly tempting. They will have to get therapy to adjust to a world with me after I am finished. Why not go this way instead?
Why do I need to go instead of them? I want to traumatise them
I am not a fucking victim here, they are the victims
I swear one funny look one more time and I am going to beat the shit out of someone, cameras or not something will break and I won’t control myself anymore.