Sombyr

That’s what I do. If somebody’s gonna be pissed no matter how you pronounce it, might as well piss them all off equally.

Most of the time, it feels to me just like a logical conclusion. Like “hmm, yes, this person has traits I generally find attractive. I am thus attracted to them.”
There’s of course a physical attribute to it too, where I feel strongly drawn to the person, but it feels more like the result of the previous logical conclusion rather than the source of the attraction itself.

The one and only exception to this that I’ve experienced thus far was my attraction to my wife. It was an instant click. My first thought after meeting her was that I needed to get closer with her. It’s worth noting I didn’t actually know what she looked like yet (we met online) and barely knew anything about her personality besides she was funny and apparently had similar hobbies to me (though I didn’t know which hobbies, I’d just been told that.)
I didn’t connect it as attraction at first though, because I’d never experienced attraction like that before. I just wanted to be really good friends with her. I was really happy whenever she showed up. I enjoyed every conversation I had with her way more than it felt like I should.
Then slowly those feelings grew, never changing, only getting stronger. At a certain point, when I started to realize every second I was away from her, I was wishing she was there, and every time I was sad or upset about something, she was the one I wanted to go to for comfort, it finally clicked that I was attracted to her, at least in some way.
It wasn’t until we were already dating that it finally fully clicked that I’d been in love with her the whole time.
Physically I’d say my attraction to her felt… I guess like heart burn? That’s the closest physical sensation I can think of. Like that, but not painful. Like a fullness in my chest every time I thought about her.

Also as far as chemistry and attraction goes, definitely different things. There are people I’ve been attracted to that I meshed horrifically with. Just because I like certain traits in theory doesn’t mean I could actually stand those traits in practice.

Bear in mind what you’re about to read is the ramblings of an autistic women. I may be a woman, but the world still looks a lot different through my eyes than it does to other women, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Anyway, definitely not too late to date. That part’s simple to answer.

As far as losing weight, depends really on how much you weigh as for how it’ll effect your dating options. For men, I think gaining a little muscle is more important than losing fat. Even if you weigh quite a lot, if you’ve got a bit of muscle showing through there will be women who find you attractive. I can’t speak for all women, but to me, it’s more attractive when a guy’s body shows that they’re thinking about their health than it is when a guy has a traditionally attractive physique. In other words, a little muscle shows you’re putting work in regardless of if you’re successfully losing much fat. You’ll probably inevitably lose some fat anyway if you gain some muscle, because it speeds up your metabolism.
In the end though, physical appearance isn’t as often important to women as it is to men. If you’ve got a personality that meshes well with somebody, they’ll probably like you anyway.

What you’re doing to meet people is good, but another good way to find people Imo, is through your hobbies. Although that can be tougher if all your hobbies are male dominated. Even if you do meet women into it in that case, I speak from experience when I say we’re expecting to be approached and tend to already have our rejection locked and loaded. If that’s the case, I’d say the best option is to wait and see if they show interest in you first.

Making more friends is also good. Besides the fact that it’s good for your mental health, they can also introduce you to people, and somebody who knows you well is gonna be way better at finding people who will match well with you than anything like dating apps or searching aimlessly. I was introduced to my wife by a friend. They didn’t even intend it as a romantic setup, they just thought we had a lot in common and would make good friends. The romance happened to blossom from that.

I’d end this off by telling you it’s good to learn to be happy being single, but I know that’s harder than it sounds, and sometimes you can’t manage it until you’ve already been in and out of a serious relationship or two. Do take care of your mental health though. A happy man is an attractive man.

I get what you’re saying, but like OP I’m the kind of person who can call myself beautiful but also have self esteem issues. In my case, it’s because I know it’s objective fact that people keep telling me I’m attractive, but I can’t see myself that way. Like, maybe I’m just surrounded by really supportive people who can ignore my shortcomings easier, and one day I’m going to be exposed to the fact that it turns out the majority of the world thinks I’m ugly.

It’d feel like dismissing everyone who’s ever been attracted to me to not admit that on some level I must be attractive, which would be rude, but at the same time I need people to know I can’t see what they see.

I like your positivity.

Luckily, I am happy most of the time nowadays, just, y’know, in spite of my disorder.

As somebody with schizoaffective, I don’t understand where you’re coming from saying it means I’m the only one with power over myself. In fact, I’ve found even after being well medicated I’m incredibly easy to manipulate. All you have to do is tell me somebody’s trying to control me and instantly I’ve spun a 2000 foot deep web about how they’re doing it. Then you just tell me you have the solution and suddenly I’m eating out of your hand.

And my emotional barrier is paper thin. I only look unaffected by things. In reality if I’m the slightest bit scared or upset, I’m breaking down inside and spinning another web to fill in the cracks. My whole existence is built on delusions and lies I’ve built up to keep myself together, such that even now that I’m in a place where I theoretically could start breaking them down and rebuilding properly, I won’t, because I’d fall apart, and I can’t handle that.

I’ve decided to just be happy being fucked up. Not because that’s right, but because that’s the only thing I can survive.

I had a teacher tell me to drop out then be forced to write an apology letter for it.

She wrote “I’m sorry you thought I told you to drop out.”

So I’m gonna say “I’m sorry you thought” is high up there. Straight up gaslighting.

I can agree with that. I’ve been part of a cult before (was born into it) and I can recognize a lot of what I went through there in far right people. I guess I’m just a little sensitive to people calling these people idiots and hateful people due to seeing myself in them. Like, to me, they’re (usually) just good people being manipulated into thinking the awful things they say and do are good, and they need a rational and caring person to pull them slowly out of it, the same way I did.

Obviously, it takes more than just talking usually to pull somebody out of a cult, but I think it’s still a big part of it. They’ve been fooled into thinking that things that are rational aren’t, and unless they’re confronted with the actual truth and the facts to back them up, they’re not going to even start to question their beliefs.

I’m also not suggesting that every person needs to debate every republican about every issue they bring up. If you can’t or even just don’t want to debate somebody, you don’t have any obligation to, but I don’t think insulting them over it is almost ever the right response.

There’s also the angle of how every cult teaches you that you’re going to be persecuted for your beliefs, and brainwashes you into thinking that should reaffirm you that you must be correct. That is one major reason I think labeling all conservatives as irrational and hopeless is dangerous. When somebody who’s been taught that the world is going to hate them for being “right” finds that the world does not, in fact, hate them, but instead just displays genuine concern, that’s when you fully start to question everything.

I don’t think every right winger is going to fling left when presented with this view. In fact, I think the vast majority won’t, but it will make them a little more understanding, and a little more understanding over the course of many years and generations adds up.

I like listening to multiple songs at the same time. Like, playing a video game, while listening to music, but not also muting the game’s music, so I hear both at once.

I noticed there was always a gust of wind after cars passed, so I concluded wind was caused by invisible cars driving by. Storms were caused by the invisible drivers driving too fast.

I used to go outside during storms and yell at them to slow down. I was convinced it was working.

Fixed typo resulting in ticks giving lyme disease instead of limes diseases. Ticks now properly feed on fruit juices instead of blood.

Every time that comes up, I think to myself “Something I’ve gone through must be more painful, right? I’ve gone through some pretty hellish things, and you’re trying to tell me something MORE painful exists? Not just a little more, but dramatically more? For my own sanity, I’m gonna have to live in denial of that.”

I used to be like this, but with movies. When I first met my wife, she was utterly baffled at the concept of somebody not enjoying movies, and she made it her mission to make me enjoy them.

Come to think of it, she actually doesn’t like music much. I’ve failed to change her opinion on that though because my taste in music is shit (and I’m proud of it.)

I don’t do anything. I’m the kind to completely forget about it minutes after I close whatever I was looking at. If it’s a stupid enough thing that made me angry enough, sometimes I’ll vent about it to my wife, and usually get the response of “Why do you care what a random person online you’ll never meet thinks?” but I’ve gotten that response enough for it to have really sunk in to the point where I really don’t care 99% of the time. I don’t really debate online anymore either for that reason. The most I might do is nudge somebody in the right direction if I suspect their opinion is simply based on a lack of information, but if that fails I tend to just delete my reply and move on so I’m not bothered by it again.

The only times I ever want to go anywhere outside of where the busses can take me is when my family is taking me somewhere, in which case somebody else drives me there. The busses go quite a distance though. I can even get to small towns nobody’s ever heard of if I feel like it.

It’s not like I’m gonna be traveling a huge distance anyway. I live of off 900$ a month, so it’s not like I could afford to go anywhere else if I wanted to.

No, on account of I cannot drive at all. I’m 25 and live in Vermont. The particular part I live in, everything’s accessible by bus, so I’ve just never felt the urgency to learn.

I wouldn’t, but I could see a really strong argument to be made for it.

I mean, we could call gravity or the sun a god. It’s really a matter of perspective rather than concrete definition. I’ve discussed my ideas about the void with people, and there tends to be a pretty even split between people who believe it would be a god, and those who believe it wouldn’t count.

I don’t think it’s quite the same thing, unless I’ve been misunderstanding the concept of the big bang, which is entirely possible. I don’t think it describes the state of the universe before the singularity, nor how the singularity got there. This is more or less how I believe that happened. A mindless yet omnipotent force just happened to spawn it into existence.

I believe in a power above all else which gave rise to the universe. You could technically call it “God,” but I prefer to think of it just as a primordial force of nature, like gravity and such, but far more ancient.

Basically I believe that in the beginning, there was nothing, and that includes the rule that something can’t come from nothing. That didn’t exist either, so the void just kinda imploded on itself and now stuff exists.

With no rules or restrictions on what could happen yet, literally anything could happen. In a sense, that would make the void omnipotent, but also probably mindless. In my eyes, less like a god, more like the most powerful force of nature to ever exist. Or I guess not exist.