11·
5 months agoI once got passed by two speeding DeLoreans. I ended up catching up to them when we all hit a traffic jam.
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Cake day: June 13th, 2023
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24·5 months agoApparently “cotton” and “Mexican” are slurs
261·5 months agoPersonally I was hoping for a heart attack. Did anyone think an assassination, successful or not, wouldn’t just lead to a complete shit-show?
1·6 months agodeleted by creator
I watched it and it scares me only because of how many people didn’t notice or care that Biden was the only one saying anything of substance up there.
7·8 months agoThe candle that burns four times as bright burns a quarter as long
7·10 months agoThis reminds me of how I used to eat a spoonful of chunky peanut butter and then add a glug of maple syrup
72·10 months agoI can believe it when we can barely manage to spot an asteroid heading in our direction before it’s basically whizzing past us
Same.
Bears are basically just giant dogs, it’s not fair
61·10 months agoYeah I’m on the edge of my seat here. I demand a refund.
2·11 months agoGlory to you… ^AND ^YOUR ^PASSWORD…
101·11 months agoI saw George W. Bush at a grocery store in Kennebunkport yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Yes, nothing but love! And a few drops of ordinary LSD.
2·11 months agoI would say yes, but I tried using Duke Cannon soap on my hands for a while and it dried them out something fierce
Sounds like the XY problem