They treat service people well.
I was going to write this one.
they read books
After 4 years of engineering I’m scared of books now…😂😂😂
The trick is to read something that’s fictional and less dry. Fantasy would be an excellent choice. Sci Fi if you still enjoy things slightly more grounded in reality.
valid lol, sometimes gotta take a break for a while
Oh man. I wish i could read a book!
What’s keeping you?
I dunno…distractions, too much commitment, feels indulgent,… ? Just got a book for my birthday and read the first 100 pages aloud in the car because my husband and son wanted to hear it. Now it’s been on my coffee table for two weeks and I’m struggling to pick it back up.
It’s not really indulgent to take some time for yourself. Maybe your also missing the right book to get you interested. What kind of story are you interested in?
Thank you for the motivation
When i was younger (before kids) i read a lot - mostly Stephen King and classics and it’s still what i really like. Kids are grown, but i have a hard time saying, “I’m going to sit here for an hour and read.” There’s always something to do…bills, husband, animals, house, yard, etc. and when i veg I mostly turn to mindlessly browsing my phone because it’s 2 minute chunks that you can put down anytime. After 15 years of working at the same job i just found out that my lunch break is 60 minutes instead of 30 - maybe I’ll bring a book and try to use that time to read.
As a fellow reader, how do you identify others in the wild? I feel like my method sucks…
They’re reading a book
I just talk about books I’ve read when relevant, or during the “whatve you been up to?” small talk.
^ this
They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They don’t externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they don’t have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
That bonus really looked like it was going somewhere else for a second there.
bonus: if their parents are attractive, you have a potential thruple opportunity to fall back on if the relationship sours.
“Then you might have a plan B if the relationship doesn’t work out as expected”
There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won’t get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don’t improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won’t learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won’t benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner’s skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn’t easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can’t get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it’s his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won’t learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don’t get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don’t immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it’s an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it’s great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren’t getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something
This, the enthusiasm sells the authenticity of it, and people are more willing to listen.
I have a friend who teaches high school history and has traveled a lot. She’s great at this! I feel like i can talk to her about almost anything and she never makes me feel stupid.
Somewhat related… I work at a garden center and my manager is a professor of horticulture. When I transferred to her department, I thought I would be learning so much, but this woman has no passion for teaching and is cynical about everything. She sucks the life and fun out of work. Luckily I enjoy working with my other coworkers, and everybody likes me better than they do her.
This really sucks, but I’m glad the other people there weren’t dragged down by the manager and remained positive people to interact with.
Bit of an update… 3 out of 4 of us employed under her are planning to quit after the new year. We’re just finishing the holiday season because it’s a busy time and don’t want to bail when it’s all hands on deck right now.
The 4th person is only part-time and we haven’t told him yet about our plans, so he may join us once he finds out.
All of us are quitting because of the manager.
I’m glad you’re no longer putting up with her. Best of luck.
I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. I’m not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isn’t obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too
That’s exactly it! This matches the spirit of hikitate geiko beautifully. You’re both helping your opponent understand the game better, creating opportunities for them to challenge themselves in engaging ways and helping them feel awesome while doing it, which is a great motivator to improve and play more in the future.
Do you feel this makes you a better MTG player in general when you do it?
I’d say it depends who I’m against but overall yeah. There’s always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than I’ll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state I’m talking about so lots of research goes into it.
I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space I’m comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol
That’s really awesome! There are more similarities than I thought between our hobbies.
Uses vim?
I, too, appreciate a clean bathroom
Now I’m not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I’m gonna die alone.
:wq is the equivalent of sexting you
Maybe :q! (Bang)
I like to stay safe with my sexting
I only date someone if they have successfully entered, and exited, the gates of vim.
What if they did it once like 10 years ago then immediately changed to something else to preserve their sanity?
And she is lesbian
If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.
That’s such a low bar, i feel sorry for your past
It is, but it’s pretty alarming how many people I see not doing this :/
I wouldn’t consider them people if they don’t have the cognitive ability to hold onto their trash to throw into a trash can.
I’m pretty sure you can train a crow to do better
next step is holocaust
I mean I agree with you, but yet, I still see humans do it all the time
You might be surprised
Kindness to animals. Just all animals, generally
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I mean, I’d say that knowing not to overeat is probably a good thing, but I’m guessing you mean it from a vegan/vegetarian context, and I’m just gonna say No. No it does not mean that. In fact, veganism is something of a yellow flag for me. I’ve known vegans who were good people, but I’ve known a disproportionate amount who were insufferable, self-righteous pricks. I recognize there is a bias there in that there are probably vegans I met whose dietary lifestyle I’ve never known about, but that’s already besides the point. Veganism is not a green flag
And if you didn’t meant that, then I really am curious as to what you meant by “unnecessarily”
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If you go around yelling at people to put down the hamburger, people are gonna tell you to mind your own business. That’s why people think vegans are insufferable. The ones who don’t do this, you never know they’re vegans because they mind their own business. Really fucks with the numbers, so I’ll clarify and say that someone who makes it a point to steer a conversation to how they’re vegan is a yellow flag. Veganism itself is not at all a problem
I welcome a world in which factory farms are gone. The amount of actual cruelty needed to sustain our population and capitalist demand is insane and depressing, but we are nowhere near winning that fight with boycotting animal products, and we never will. It won’t make a difference. The improvement of substitute meat with systemic and legislative change will do that, and that’s what we need to push for
So yeah, I’m not offended because a vegan told me not to eat a hamburger. I’m annoyed because a vegan went out of their way to steer the conversation towards their own moral superiority
So I’ll apologize for having reacted so defensively, but I don’t think that eating meat and having empathy for animals is mutually exclusive. It sure just seemed to me like you were telling me that veganism should be a green flag for me, and it just really isn’t. It’s whatever. If I find out a person is a vegan, I’m not gonna be more attracted to them; I’ll just now know not to offer them a chicken nugget
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and this is why its a yellow flag. it can be a green one, or on your case, a red one.
Raising the issue isnt the problem. beeing a pretentious dick about it is.
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Alright well my point is nobody asked you. Without massive legislative and systemic changes, and improvements on meat substitutes, you’ll never end factory farms. Not enough people will ever care to put down the hamburger, no matter how annoying you are about it, in order for a consumer’s wallet vote to make a difference in the industry. You can sit up there on your high horse, talking about how only vegans actually have empathy, while people roll their eyes at you fulfilling the stereotypes that discredit veganism. By all means, be a vegan. I fully support that. I even encourage it, but that is a lifestyle choice you make for yourself. I don’t believe the efforts of veganism are at all effective, and capitalism, horrendous though it is, has successfully alienated me from my food source that I am able to still have empathy and love for animals while consuming meat. The cow I eat was gonna die anyway
You’re not some moral paragon; You’re proving exactly why veganism is a yellow flag for me
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That seems to illustrate the point that LadyLikesSpiders was making – quite nicely.
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what you dont seem to grasp is that there is a way to be yourself (gay) or have your opinions (you beeing vegan) without beeing an asshole about it.
I think people made it clear here that they werent interested in changing their opinions on eating animal(products), yet you continue to berate them. Do you realize that this causes the people you are talking to to get defensive, and less likely to change their opinion?
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Why would veganism be a yellow flag?
Veganism is caring for the well being of animals… Veganism is definitely a green flag. Being insufferable is a red flag.
It seems to me you are the one being insufferable. Just because you are not vegan and like eating aninals, you see those who do otherwise as insufferable and self righteous picks and even see veganism as a yellow flag.
PS. I am not vegan.
No, I see vegans who think they’re better than everyone else by virtue of their veganism as insufferable. I’ve no issue with vegans who keep to themselves I would welcome a world of impossible meat should we get to that point and encourage a switch to more sustainable diets as allowed by our infrastructure, but we’re simply not there
Vegans are a yellow flag to me because most of the times, when someone comes up to me unprompted to talk about how eating animals is bad, they’re assholes about it. I was approached here, unprompted, in my comment about liking animals in a post about green flags. If their veganism comes up when I offer food and they just say they don’t eat that, that’s no problem. That’s why it’s a yellow flag. Veganism isn’t bad, it just has a bunch of annoying pricks in it that make 'em all look bad
So yeah, just to be clear, I do not oppose veganism. Veganism is a yellow flag because very often they bring it up out of the blue just to get on their high horse
Veganism sucks because it’s libshit, consumer-side choices which don’t meaningfully impact the world but if you point that point up they freak out because of all the personal sacrifices they made have just been invalidated. They also have a tendency to scream down indigenous people for eating their traditional diets which is just another case of white people thinking they’re more moral than everyone else even though all they are is guilty as fuck for upholding systems of oppression.
Case in point, how many vegens have you seen pressuring their government to stop meat subsidies? Zero. It would have severe impacts on meat consumption but they’re never going to do it because the point was never to make change, only to wash their hands of moral guilt.
Not all vegans are white people, which is very important because there are indigenous people who are vegan, Latinamerican, African and from many other places of origin, and many other non-white people who are vegan.
It looks like you haven’t even researched about this, since many vegans in Europe have been protesting and asking to end meat and dairy subsidies.
Please research before spreading hate towards a philosophy you don’t know anything about.
You can always tell an offended white person, but you can’t tell them much.
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Agree for sure, but in the spirit of fairness, I suppose I should clarify that when I say “vegan” I’m specifically referring to exactly the kind of person you mentioned. Though I don’t know any, I’m sure there must be vegan organizations out there that DO push for systemic change, and that they remain largely unseen by non-vegans because they don’t make it anyone else’s problem. This goes for any vegan. You only know about the ones who are loud about it. I mentioned my bias in the comment, and I just wanna make sure it’s pointed out because I’ve had to clarify, like, 30 times already 😅
But yeah, I’m with you on this. veganism gets used so much simply for moral grandstanding without the chance for any counter examples that any time someone mentions they’re vegan, unless it’s in some explicit context, I have to brace myself for dealing with someone who acts like they’re the pinnacle of morality
I’m not a vegan but I think you are completely biased here.
The vast majority of vegans that you know are the ones who are vocal about it. Most vegans aren’t, and so they are overrepresented by those who are.
Yes, I did mention the bias in my comment, and again in someone else’s reply. To clarify, veganism is a yellow flag specifically because if I know about it, there is a decent chance it’s because they were annoying about it. If vegans were actually just all like that, it’d be a red flag
Yes, annoying vegans who are very pushy about vegans exists. However, It seems like your bias stems from your intolerance towards any mentioning of veganism.
A vegan saying ‘I am vegan’ would be annoying to you, as if existing as a vegan is an offense. This is what you sound like when you say veganism is a yellow flag.
Personally, I find that there are far more meat eaters out there who are much more vocal and annoying about hating vegans than there actual annoying vegans. I like eating meat, but I don’t find that I need to be defensive about it around vegans.
You misunderstand my “intolerance”. I don’t care if someone’s a vegan. I’m annoyed that I stated my green flag, and then a vegan came here to assert that my green flag should be something different and vegan. I was defensive because I was defending my position. In my experience, people who go out of their way to make the conversation about veganism are as preachy as Christians trying to convert you. It’s a yellow flag, meaning it’s not a red flag, but it makes me watch out, because it’s associated with behaviors I don’t like. It’s like men who call themselves Doms, and people who are just super into WW2 military history. There is a non-neglible chance that it’s gonna go from something innocuous to a red flag
I don’t hate vegans; I’m not saying someone is a bad person because they’re vegans; I’m saying that too many times a vegan has come out of nowhere unprovoked to act like they’re morally superior. I am just as annoyed by meat eaters who go out of their way to talk about being carnivores and how great they think they are
Comparing veganism to toxic masculinity is just wild. You have a completely skewed perception of what the vast majority of vegans are like out there.
You think that the act of vegans existing is morally superior, whether or not they’ve said or done anything.
Nothing is being misunderstood here. You don’t get to say ‘I don’t care if someone’s a vegan’ and then say ‘veganism is a yellow flag’ in the same breath. That’s some cognitive dissonance if I’ve seen any before.
For you. Red/yellow/green flags can be entirely subjective, and what’s yellow for you can be green for someone else.
Completely agree. It’s a yellow flag for me. Veganism is also not a core component of empathy towards animals, but if someone comes into my comment about the subjective colors of my flags to tell me what should be a part of green flags, I’m gonna hold my position. This was my comment
Although perhaps I reacted to defensively. Maybe I mistook the intention of the other commenter, so to clarify I will say that I do not think that veganism/vegetarianism is required to be an animal lover, but I do not think that veganism in itself is a bad thing, only that someone being a vegan is not some kind of go-ahead that attracts me
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The simple virtue of being able to genuinely express these words; “I don’t know”, “Sorry” and “Thank you” (or any derivative of these*).
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Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn’t value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.
I agree, bot.
Please dont racist toward bot. His race is bot. He is born as bot. He can’t choice to be born as human
Bleep bloop :'(
They’re self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don’t judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.
Everyone judges, it’s how you act upon that judgement that is the mark of your character. Anyone that says “I don’t judge” is either full of shit or means that they are self aware of their biases, conscious and subconscious and don’t act upon their judgements.
Judging people is a natural part of being human and impossible to not do.
And to add to that, all the characteristics listed their green flags - characteristics used to judge people.
I would just append that judging people is a good thing, often blanket misinterpreted as a bad thing. You should make an initial judgement upon meeting someone (it doesn’t really matter, your subconscious will anyway). The important part is being willing to update that judgement based on learning more.
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There are many kinds of intelligence. Social, emotional, etc. I’m betting you’re really good at some things I’m horrible at.
When they call you because they’re at the supermarket and you might want something.
Treats everyone with respect regardless of what their perceived status is.
Actually intelligent, reads books, sense of humor, actually listens.
I love my ereader but I miss the days when you could actually see what someone was reading. It was like a book recommending a person
Someone reading a book doesn’t mean the book is good.
I have a book written by a mentally ill person I met, just because I wanted to have more insight into his mental state.
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Comments about reading
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Completely misreads my sentence
😂
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“good” book is highly subjective. It depends not only on your tastes but also on your general mood while reading it. Same for film and art. I saw the Mona Lisa in person and was completely unimpressed.
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You don’t measure it. You compare it to your own intelligence and see if it matches.
It’s like art, you know it when you see it.
Excellent question. For me, it has a lot to do with their sense of humor, general outlook, and their problem solving. ymmv
When they say it. If somebody says “I’m very smart” or “I’m very intelligent”, you know the answer.
but what is the question?
Exactly!
Have you heard about IQ Test.
The flawed metric racists use to claim they are somehow superior?
There is a reason why it isn’t standard practice and only covers certain topics. It can measure some general knowledge, but is in no way indictment to the actual intelligence of a person.
Yes I know the origins of IQ Tests and how it was used for justifying eugenics in USA and how Hitler got inspired by it. But I ment it as a joke to the original comment asking how to measure intelligence. And anyway who believes in a number on piece of paper we all only believe in how much upvotes we can get on Lemmy.
No that’s dumb
somebody talking about their IQ would be a major red flag for me lol
Is it OK if they mention that their IQ is less than 0 Kelvin.
some healthy self-deprecation is definitely nice, but the eldritch implications of somebody representing their intelligence as convertible to a temperature value transgressing thermodynamic law intrigue me more.
Have YOU been on the mensa forums?
I’m theoretically Mensa qualified but when I met some I turned away. My sense of what’s fun and creative did not align. At all.
People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.
