Be boring rather than arrogant. If they ask what you did this weekend or what you’re doing later just say nothing really or watching TV and relaxing. Few words answers, when the conversation isn’t flowing naturally they will just think you’re boring and leave you alone.

Obviously this might not work for everyone but it’s worked for me everytime.

There is nothing wrong with people being social at work. Strong personal relationships mean strong work relationships. And introverts need to understand that relationships matter. I say this as an introvert.

Don’t just be a robot at work. Recognize the need for good working relationships and that some level of personal interaction, and even friendship is OK at work. Today they need help, tomorrow you will need help.

To your point, I am very bad at that and work from home has really improved my productivity. See if you can wfh more. Also, sometimes you need to politely explain that you have to get something done to meet a deadline or meet priorities or whatever your situation is.

People will probably keep asking until they learn that you don’t want to answer. This is just how most people work and I understand your frustration at being an outlier in this way.

You can’t control them feeling offended. You are behaving strangely to them and they’re struggling to make sense of you. The most reasonable explanation to them is that you dislike them, which they’ll construe as rude.

If you are direct with them, they might at least be able to make sense of you. “When I’m at work, I only want to work, then get out of here as soon as I can. That’s why I don’t socialize here. It’s nothing personal.”

Either they believe you or they don’t. You can’t make them believe you.

One last thing: just like you wish they’d stop making wrong assumptions about your motivations, you might consider challenging the assumptions you’re making about them.

Good luck.

This is not an introvert problem. You just hate people.

What a weird post. OP asked a question then insulted half the people in here.

I saw a video Jamie Hyneman made where he went to a comicon event (I think) and he just simply walked right through. He didn’t stop, but he was friendly and said hi to everyone he came across.

Despite being so famous, he never created a crowd, and he just kept on walking and saying hi.

I’ve applied this to the chatty Kathy’s at my work and it works every time. Just a quick “hey there!” without stopping. It never fails. Every once in a while I’ll stop so I don’t look like a jerk, but it works!

I’m going to offer some practical advice that might help, but first there are also a few things I’d like to point out.

First of all, from reading your question and some replies in the thread - Is there any chance you might be neurodivergent (I think that’s the “proper” term. I mean what’s been known as low end autism or asperger)?  Neurodivergent people have trouble understanding social cues/norms,and might have issues understanding why people act/react the way they do.

This is meant as a general observation that might be beneficial to understand the gap between you and other people, not as a judgment or way to imply there’s something wrong with you.

The second thing - the division between introverts and extroverts is kinda false. In reality, it’s like height - there are tall and short people, but most people are of generally average height. Like height, most people are towards the middle. You are probably on the end of the bell curve of extrovert-introvert. That’s something you need to understand. This also doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, but right now it looks like you’re acting like a 2.2 meter tall person who thinks everyone below 2 meters is short. Yes, society is built for people who are of mostly average “sociality”. Just like it’s built for people of mostly average height, and tall people might have issues finding clothes or having enough leg room in their car.

Most people expect some level of sociality with their co-workers. They aren’t necessary attention seekers or “extroverts”. That’s just the way their brains are wired. When they don’t get that social interaction, they will look for an explanation - Did they say something to offend you? Are you busy? In a bad mood? A standoffish person? Maybe you’re just shy, and they should initiate more interaction to make you more comfortable?

So, what you want to do is to answer those unasked questions in terms they can understand and without offending them. Imagine you’ve accidentally bumped into someone while walking. You’ll say something like “Oh, I’m so sorry for bumping into you, I was in a hurry. Are you alright? OK, sorry, again, have to run”.

If someone asks “How was your weekend?”, give a bland answer like “Oh, it was good/fine/ok”, then say “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude, but there’s a ton of stuff I need to get done” Say this in a tone like you’re apologizing for accidentally bumping into them. Then say “But look, if you’d like some help/advice/to tell me something about that [work related thing we have], I’d be happy to”. For most people, this conveys the message that (a) you’re trying to focus on work, (b) you really don’t mean to offend them and © you’d be happy to talk to them about work related stuff. Some people might ask you again next week. Give the same answer. Most of them will figure out you’re just always busy working and stop bothering you.

Two more things:

1. Do try and offer help in work related things once in a while - “Hey, I heard [work thing] is giving you trouble. I’ve actually had the same issue and would be happy to help”. This conveys you’re approachable on work-related things, and will make people more inclined to help you when needed.

2. Walk fast and with a purpose. This serves a dual objective - to better convey that you’re always busy, and minimize interactions. The only question you’ll get is “why are you walking so fast?” or whatever. This can be handled by saying something casual like “you call this fast?”, “ah, you know how it is…” etc. without slowing down more than necessary.

Just tie everything back to work.

“My weekend? Oh, it was dreadful. Spent the whole time thinking about this project, and I really don’t want to spend next weekend thinking about it too, so I gotta get this done.”

“My hobbies? Oh man, I love Excel. The things you can do with it. I hear there are some great YouTube videos on it. It seems like you’ve got some down time; you should check them out! But I’ve got to get back to my spreadsheet now.”

If you appear approachable, then your interaction will not be minimized. Why do you want to seem approachable? I think you need to get more specific about what your goals are. Is your goal really to avoid hurting their feelings, or to avoid creating enemies at work? That’s two different things.

Seems to me like you’d benefit from clarifying your own goals to yourself.

I feel your pain, and your post speaks to me almost as if I wrote it. To make it even worse, however, is that I’m now in management for the last two years, and have to put on an even more false front when all I want to do is work. One thing I have gotten better at, is being straightforward. Instead of just dodging around it and trying to let them down easy, just saying “I really need to finish this assignment I’m working on, can we talk about this another time?” Or “hey I appreciate you wanting to tell me about your entire weekend, hour by hour, but I have several things I need to get to working on, we’ll have to chat later” and then just stare at them until they leave. It was uncomfortable at first, but I’ve gotten pretty good at it lately, maybe give it a try?

Based on your responses here, you fucking suck, so I’m surprised your coworkers bother giving you the time of day. Keep being you, and the “problem” of people trying to befriend and socialize with you will do in it’s own.

I pretend to be an attention seeker! It’s the best way to catch the least amount of attention!

I’m not even shitting you.

Damn OP, I felt that in my bones. You basically described what my life was like when I worked in finance.

What pissed me off the most was that it’s apparently not good enough for extroverts if you just keep to yourself and do your work quietly; they have to seek you out and disturb you just to get the attention that they think you owe them.

I work in a small team, so fortunately, the number of extraverted people is quite low. I find, if I give the people that absolutely crave attention however much they want early in the day, that quiets them down considerably during the rest of the day. They’ll have flare-ups every now and then, and lunchtime is unavoidable, unfortunately, but with practice, I’ve become able to wear them out before they wear me out, if that makes sense. Good luck and peace be with you.

An “I’m good thanks but I got to get back to this” is usually good enough for most people.

In terms of managers that aren’t happy with a “not now”, my suggestion is check in with them at the beginning or end of day, show what you’re planning for the day at the job and shoot the shit if that’s their thing. The trick is let them talk your ears off for up to like 5 minutes before you start focusing on your work, and if they ask questions about your weekend etc. go with “it was relaxing” and give general, vague answers. Respond to their ramblings with “wow, how did that go?” and stuff to have them go on. That should generally satiate their need to conversate with you for the day.

You have your needs to largely be left alone, they have their needs to be social, there is a way you each can get your fill. The rest of the day you can say you are busy and don’t have time for chat. Also, earbuds with music if you’re allowed that at your workplace to drown out most distractions.

Depends on what you don’t want to give out, an example such as you don’t want to divulge your marital status at all vs. you just don’t want to say what you do in your married life, will have the answer vary. But make it about them more and for the most part you’ll be fine.

Not giving much of your information will give you a bit of mysterious personality to people, but that’s inevitable unless you either share your personal life or straight up tell lies about who you are.