Assume that you only have the resources and money that you’ve acquired up to this point in your life, and you still have to pay rent, bills etc. You are basically physically capable of everyday activities but extreme feats (eg running marathons, climbing everest) are not realistic.
Ooh, I actually know the answer to this! I had cancer a couple years ago, and it got really dicey for a bit. While my story has a good ending and I am now effectively cancer-free, I had to look the potential of death clear in the face and start making some concrete plans.
My answer is unequivocal - I would prepare my family for my untimely demise. My wife and I got together when we were young enough that we entered adulthood together and grew that way. There is no me and her - there is only us. This is not some creepy codependency thing. We just became adults whose emotional and mental shapes are highly complimentary. That happens when you are with someone longer than you were not. We also have kids for whom I am the primary caretaker and stay-at-home dad while she works. Both boys are autistic though you might not notice it, and I am their primary coregulator. My family needs me in ways that are not universally true across families.
Most of my plan can be summarized as follows:
- Prepare my wife for life without me. Ensure she has the basic skills that I have taken over in our lives. Impress upon her the notion that while she has been the love of my life, I sincerely hope I am but one of hers.
- Spend as much time with my kids as possible. Cement myself in their memories. Record messages and fatherly advice in writing and/or video for every major life event I can think of.
- Set up therapy and support services for my family once I die.
- Get my friends and family on board for specific forms of help as time goes on. People who want to help do nothing when they do not know what to do. They are more likely to follow through when told, “I know Jimmy really looks up to you. After I die, please take him out for some bonding time at least once a month. He is going to be lost without me, and Wife cannot be a masculine role model like I was.”
- Plan my funeral and write my obituary. Make it clear that any of this can be changed.
- Basically, do anything I can to prepare my family for life without me.
I know this is not terribly exciting, but it found that what I feared far more than death was the fate of my family without me there to care for them.
This is extremely heartfelt, wonderful advice. I’m glad your story has a happy ending. But I can’t imagine a better way to prepare your family. I am going to save this somewhere, for in case I ever need it, because this is exactly the sort of thing I would want to do.
I also totally get what you mean about your wife and you growing into adulthood together. I have the same thing with my husband. If he were gone, I literally am not sure what I would do in many small parts of my life. I’d adapt eventually, but knowing I’d be struggling with grief in addition to suddenly need to consider a dozen crucial but small things is dizzying to think about.
Holy shit, that sounds like you spend a lot of time thinking about that. First of all your relationship sounds like a dream. Hope it holds forever. I definitely got a lot of inspiration from your post, even tho I’m not looking the reaper in the eyes. Lots of good points how to plan our passing for the remaining people. Death can always happen to anyone unexpectedly. Always good being prepared. And I guess those are some good steps. Spending time with your loved ones is obviously important even if you are not the person facing death but if it is an elderly person.
You faced death so well that you got your life back. You might be my hero.
Lol best answer so far
fly to america and piss on ronald reagan’s grave.
it’s 1 of my 3 bucket list items and i’ve already done the other 2
I think you might need more bucket list items.
Unless you’re like 70.
Well, there were probably more originally, but there are only so many graves and so much piss.
Lol what were the other 2? I’m guessing Margaret Thatcher was one of them.
Stay hydrated!
- create full digital autonomy, destroy any and all entries to ads and trackers on a system level for my flat (basically, live a life of no digital annoyances, and once we nuke the world wide web be able to live without internet access and not miss a thing)
- get a merge request accepted
yeah i know, pretty anticlimactic.
i am considering adding large scale industrial sabotage at alphabet or blackrock as a forth item tho
Put up all my game dev related stuff on GitHub and make any applicable account passwords accessible to someone who might know what to do with it.
a lot of drinking drugs and videogames i guess
Maybe a cruise with my wife too or something she would enjoy.
Overseas trip. Not my thing but my wife would enjoy the bitter sweet memories guess.
Probably work overtime to make sure the next quarter’s numbers go up - because nothing is as important as the economy!
/s
Attaboy!
So I… Kinda fantasize about this like daily.
I think I’d be incredibly happy/relieved to know I can die without hurting my family too much as it wasnt by my own hand. At the moment I’m trapped here and I don’t exactly want to be.
Not work
probably weep that I’ll never get to experience a loving relationship for like two weeks, followed by five and a half months of laying in bed waiting to die after realizing I wasn’t gonna experience one anyways.
At least find a hobby bro, there are other things in life
I already have hobbies, if you’re suggesting that adding stamp collecting (as an example) to the roster totally makes up for being treated like a doormat, then I shudder to think about the depth of your interpersonal relationships
Bro you just said you would spend your last 6 months weeping because you can’t get a relationship and you’re criticizing my relationships for telling you there’s other things to do in life?
I think you need help man
And you assumed that someone who’s lonely must not have any hobbies, and seem to believe hobbies are a replacement for human connection.
Get fucked, cunt.
Agreed, happily single for over 8 years here. So much time to myself to do what I enjoy.
I also am a bachelor by choice. Long term relationships (even great ones) are a chore that you lose parts of yourself to, for better or worse. I’ve discovered I’m much more healthy, balanced, and happy without that dynamic.
Rehome my pets to make sure my bonded animals stay together and everyone goes to someplace that will love them :(
travel. international flights might be out of the question but theres gotta be plenty to drive around and just go see and explore. maybe try to reconnect with some old friends i once loved dearly
I would quit my job, sell my house, cash out everything I could and move to southeast Asia to live like a hedonist. Hookers and blow, perhaps literally.
Other than sell all my investments and live like a wealthy person for 6 months I probably wouldn’t do much differently. Maybe try some hard drugs and gay sex.
Simple: eat, drink & fuck.
I wouldn’t spend much because my wife would need something to live on. I’d spend it with family and just hang out.
