“On the roof, it’s peaceful as can be, and there the world below don’t bother me…”

It’ll be less than a ton by the time they make it back to shore.

Bold of you to assume that it’s only when I’m peeing.

If only there were some way to prevent this…

Whenever I see “Florida man…” I think it can’t be any worse than the last one, and every time I’m proven wrong.

“The ability to speak doesn’t make you intelligent.”

If she’d been with Larry David she would have at least had some edible underwear for sustenance.

“ I was misdirected cause the interchange never intersected leaving me marooned beneath a bloodshot moon.”

That’s what they want. Live your life to the fullest just to spite these motherfuckers.

But when is Burrito BOWL season?

I actually had this on my 2024 Bingo Card.

I think I’ll test this thought by using Sweet Baby Ray’s for my stir fry beef tomorrow.

Back when I lived there, the saying was “the rest of the US hates Texas, and the rest of Texas hates Austin”. Probably at least partially explained why it was so entertaining there.