That really is one of the best parts of being with someone that will let you be vulnerable as a guy.
We talk about toxic masculinity online, but can can you imagine having to keep that front of “manly man” up even when you’re in bed with your spouse/SO? How fucking cruel a world that is.
Sometimes, when you’re a man, you end up having to shove all that stress down so you can handle things. Having someone that not only recognizes that, but reaches out to help when it’s finally safe to let go of the bullshit is just miraculous. Not having to be the big spoon, to have someone comfort and shelter you, to be your strength when you’ve run out of it. That’s beautiful.
Indeed, it seems that many women have a hard time relating to how difficult it is to be a man in the modern world, especially when you’re being told you are undesirable, toxic, and expendable literally everywhere you go these days.
That’s why I love this meme though, because instead of fighting fire with fire and demonizing or disparaging women, it encourages a more tender and wholesome solution to the problem.
I fully agree. It’s a beautiful meme :)
What’s ridiculous is that there are plenty of people who will complain about toxic masculinity, but then tell men to man up, or quit being a bitch if they actually let their guard down. Lots of people have very big double standards between what they think they want, and what they actually want.
Yeah I’ve heard some women I’ve dated complain about men not being honest with their feelings and then when one is suddenly they “have the ick” like, seriously? Just be consistent. Don’t tell me to be open and then when I tell you about my fears and worries act like I’m a pussy for not being able to handle it myself. I could have, but you wanted it this way and now you’re not attracted to me anymore.
Speaking from the male perspective, I’ve struggled with this as well. Sometimes it seems being tacit is “rewarded” by esteem.
So firstly, that is a sign that your partner may not be the one for you. But secondly, many of us men do not know how to communicate our emotions very well. We tend to think a breakdown is communication, when that’s just as explosion - a loss of control, maybe because the actual emotional communication didn’t come soon enough.
I fared a lot better after I payed attention to how women navigate this stuff amongst themselves. They often go back and forth very rapidly with tiny emotionally charged statements, and do lots of following up and outreach. Sometimes they’ll do nice stuff for each other that doesn’t make sense until you realise it’s tied to some other thing.
Lots of multidimensional supporting and being supported going back. And if it’s not going both ways, or the sines aren’t syncing, then that just means that particular relationship is not 10/10 and that’s ok.
Yeah, every time I’ve allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman I was dating it was like a switch flipped on her attraction to me. Nothing was the same after that and I’d much prefer to have sex regularly than have a shoulder to cry on, so I won’t be doing that again. Whenever I mention that I always get told “you’re just dating the wrong people”. Which, ok maybe, but I’ve never exactly had options lining up around the block.
I’ll never understand women who don’t want a sensitive or emotionally open man. For me, I can’t stand men who aren’t. When a man is open about his emotions, it makes me feel like he’s going to understand better when I get emotional, which is important to me because it happens a lot (bottled up trauma and such.) It’s not just something I look for in partners, but also friends.
But I may also have a bit of a different perspective due to being trans and remembering what it’s like to be a guy having to bottle everything up until one day I explode in a vicious cycle. It makes me feel good to be somebody’s outlet knowing that I can take a little weight off and help keep them from having to go through what I did.
Computer programming is difficult, because the computer does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
Just reading this brings tears to my eyes, man. Sometimes you just want to be the little spoon.
Amen to that.
I JUST WANT FINANCIAL STABILITY, MEDICAL CARE, and SOMEWHERE TO LIVE is that SO MUCH TO ASK???
Capitalists: And I took that personally.
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Get a job, problem solved!
Ok boomer
I’m sure a 3rd job will surely help.
Sprinkle some AI in there, surely increases in efficiency will mean that you can work less for more money!
Housing would literally be ten times cheaper if you didn’t keep actively insisting on low density housing in the middle of a god damn metropolis.
Me? I live in flats all my life.
I would like to be the small spoon sometimes…
It really can’t compare to anything when you are stressed or upset, to be held makes a huge difference.
It’s nice. My girlfriend is about half my size and she’s a good big spoon.
Jetpacking
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I mean, I agree with the meme completely, but I’d also want to turn around in their arms and cuddle them right back. I’m a fan of both hugging and being hugged, and it might be a sensory thing.
I’m not huge of cuddling and tend to get overheated easily when I do, but I find it really pleasurable (non-sexually) when my wife runs her finger/fingernail on my hand or arm. Just light touch in general feels incredibly stimulating, but it’s kind of a weird thing to outright ask for so I just kind of enjoy it when it comes around. I also like when my kid steps on my arms or legs when climbing on me. I should probably look into massage therapy.
You feel how you feel but just wondering why this feels like such a weird thing to ask for? My own partner told me he enjoys that kind of light touch (also sensorially rather than sexually) and I try to do it whenever I think about it, and it makes me happy that he’s enjoying it, and it’s not like it’s a struggle for me.
I don’t honestly know why it feels so weird. I guess maybe because it feels a little self-serving and silly. Like, asking for a massage serves a function to relieve muscle tension. But asking for stimulating tickles on my arm makes me feel self-conscious for some reason.
Please tell her. I’m sure she will be glad to know that you like it, and will do it more often.
For me it’s the opposite, light touches give me discomfort, and firm touches with pressure are comforting from a sensory experience. Talking about it with your partner is really important.
I second telling her!
And I’m also one for firm squeezes instead. Light touches make me overstimulated. All the light touches for my partner instead!
Hey yeah I’m a massage therapist we will do anything you ask as long as it’s not sexual or doesn’t go beyond the boundaries of the standard sheet-draping protocols.
I’m not suggesting you seek me out specifically, but just letting you know that any massage therapist is trained to meet the needs of the customer. Within the scope of our licensure.
There is a basic protocol and flow that we all generally follow, which DOESN’T include light tickly touches or scratching or squishing or climbing but you CAN request such things if that’s what you like.
That’s cool to know. I don’t think I would be comfortable seeking the touch/grazing part from a therapist, but I’ve never had a professional massage and I feel like I’d really benefit from one. My legs especially. I figure it’s due to being on my feet full-time at my job, but pushing and dragging my palms along my quads before bed every feels incredible.
Nothing wrong with that.
Medical bills are so evil …
Man: “alright, fell right into the trap”
Proceeds to cut one
Well of course you have to fuel the jetpack.
This is actually how the concept of the modern vibrator was conceived.
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You know this meme wasn’t made by a woman. But, I’m sure it was.
A reach around?
Not everything has to be sexual.
Say again? I can’t hear you while getting bent over by rent, bills, grocery costs, etc.
At least it’s done gently. They caress my money lovingly out of my bank account each month.
men only want one thing and it’s hole 😎 FIFY
Nah, that’s boys you’re thinking of. Men want a lot more than that.
men only want sex truck and sandwich 😎😎
Username checks out
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Sounds like you need to work on making better choices about the kind of men you date.
Oh I dated men and women, mostly men though. And they were pretty much all alike, shallow as bottle caps, only interested in getting their rocks off. That’s how men are. So I did make a choice, to be celebate and live a solitary life, which was over 40 years ago and without the distraction of other people, I did pretty well for myself. I now have a house I’ll never live long enough to see all the rooms in (not literally, of course) but, I do enjoy my own company better than having other guys around. I keep busy with other stuff, but that’s just me. TMI.
As a recovering misanthrope myself, a quote that really changed my life was this (and please don’t take it the wrong way): “If you go about your day and run into one asshole, that’s the asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole, you’re the asshole.”
Glad to hear you’re working on it, though. Sometimes the best solution is to just give on something you’re trying to accomplish and rethink your approach from the ground up. It’s not easy, and it can take a very long time, so I’d like to commend your integrity and strength of character for making that choice and wish you all the best for your recovery.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m a guy and definitely enjoy sex but I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years now and can’t imagine life without her. Sex is definitely not the primary reason I’m in a relationship, I’m in a relationship for companionship and to have a partner to experience life with. She’s my best freind, even if we have sex sometimes.
I have emotions, I have a heart, many men do.
I’m sorry you had such a poor experience with men and relationships. It’s not my place to speculate, but it sounds like you may have had some really harrowing experiences. It’s good that you’ve found a lifestyle that makes you happy. Your first comment in this thread is really painful to read and makes me very sad. It’s also not my place to debate with you about whether or not your comment is right/good, so instead I’ll just share some of my background and why I feel pain when I read it.
I was absolutely raised to be “manly.” My father, the Boy Scouts, popular media—all of it seemed like it was encouraging me to just “toughen up” and be strong. Nobody ever talked to me about feelings except anger. My dad was a great role model for anger. However, I was small. I was weak. I had allergies and asthma. I was sensitive and scared of violence. I cried easily. I was cuddly. It was very difficult for me to square what was expected of me with the reality of who I was, so for a long time I was just angry and numb and tried to hide.
I had a series of relationships where I failed to be emotionally present with my partner and rather than fixing it, I just emotionally whipped myself raw in front of them. I thought that punishment was the only way to be accepted. I finally met someone who showed me what it was to feel and helped me see a therapist. I was able to unpick a lot of the “manly” crap, and nowadays I’m pretty happy in my skin. I crochet with my partner. We talk freely and openly about our feelings. We call each other disgustingly cute pet names. We hold each other and cry when bad things happen. We both continue to go to therapy, and we’re always looking for ways to improve and deepen our relationship.
For all of that, there’s still the old raw spot in my mind. Inside of me, I’ll always have that kid who just wanted a hug and instead got contempt and judgement. He was so lonely and miserable and felt like there wasn’t anything nice in the world for him. He felt so confused and broken and wrong, because why couldn’t he just be manly? Why couldn’t he be a rock? That’s the raw spot that your comment pokes for me. I suspect I’m not alone in that.
Having typed all that out, I guess I’ll make one request. I don’t know what exactly you went through, and I sure as hell won’t invalidate it, whatever it was. All I’d ask is that you consider that there may be more than just sex and hate in the heart of the men you walk by. You don’t have to be in a relationship or like men or want to be around them, but the world might seem like a bit better of a place for you.
As a man I concur, tried to scratch my back the other day and mistook myself hugging me, afterwards tried to fuck myself, only realizing that I‘m already fucking myself day to day
Like a dog chasing it’s own tail
I think of it sort of like becoming a perfect self-sucking circle, and eventually disappearing up my own orifice (!). Kind of a goal of mine.
If I could fuck myself I wouldn’t be wasting time here typing on online forums! Or really doing much of anything else either.
Who hurt you
The world, my friend. The world. SOB. Ok I’m over it. I don’t really feel hurt at all, just disappointed that people are the way they are. Not that I don’t like men, I do (being a gay man) but I see them for what they are. I’ve no delusions. I prefer my own company anyway - if I could “do” myself I would never date again. I’d become a solid self-sucking circle of self-contained self-centeredness. And maybe disappear up my own butt hole and then, THEN finally, then I’d find all the answers to life. Or something. I’m really rambling…
I see them for what they are.
You are a man, do you see yourself that way too?
The craziest revelation about this whole chain is the fact that they have an issue which demonstrates that at least some men do want emotional attachments, so the entire point is invalidated.
It’s hard in the gay community though, there are just as many people who want casual sex as in the straight community but since the supply and demand isn’t limited the same way as heterosexual casual sex it seems like it’s more akin to finding a needle in a haystack for them to get something meaningful.
Yeah I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t see my own shallowness. I can see how it happens, I was raised with brothers, I saw how sexualization becomes objectification of female bodies rather than appreciation of females as human beings, it happened to me also.
I remember my brother’s friends would tear parts of women’s pictures out of playboy (the breasts, what else) and flash them around saying “this is the only part of a girl i care about.” I don’t mean to say it’s wrong or anything, but I see how men’s views of sexuality are kind of shallow and based around just getting their own rocks off. I’m not judging so much as just commenting on it.
I’m not judging you right now, just curious. Does it also feel that (gay) men immediately sexualize other men? Do you do that? Did you feel it was done to you?
Was talking to my partner now (he’s a man, I’m not). Wondered if hearing straight men objectifying women when you’re yourself not into women sounds a lot more jarring and unreasonable, precisely because you’re in a way “sober” about women.
I’m not saying men don’t have a huge damaging influence growing up, that a lot can only break with a lot of effort, but with your brother’s friends it sounds also like a bunch of horny teenagers posturing to each other. Not ideal behavior and not always harmless, but far from making men emotionless hole-seeking creatures.
From my own experience, I’ve seen how gay men do objectify and immediately sexualize other men all the time. Yes it’s a common thread. I’m guilty of it too. Honestly I think has less to do with sexual orientation and more to do with just being a male.
And BTW, I didn’t mean to give the impression that I’m not into women, my first sexual experiences were hetero ones and I really enjoyed them. I still think about women as sexual partners. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become more appreciative of them as much deeper more sensitive partners than men usually are.
But that’s not to say men are evil or terrible. I love everything about men, ok admittedly some of it attraction to their callousness or mischeviousness also. I think most guys have the experience of sexual knowledge shared as horny teenagers. I’m not condemning that just commenting about it. Frankly I enjoyed the sheer sexual energy of those experiences.
But I will concede that not all men are emotionless hole-seeking creatures. The truth is, men can be very sensitive and caring, but that’s pretty rare from what I’ve seen. So if you have such a partner, congrats and don’t take it for granted. It’s a wonderful thing.
I can only speak for myself, but my partner contains multitudes of unfathomable joy, of which such a minor part is our very enjoyable sex life
I just wanna catch my off brand pokemon in peace.
That’s all good too. Where do you find off brand pokemon? I want some.
Palworld. New game that came out.
Oh cool - I see it. DAMN, it’s on Steam. Which means I’ll never get to play it.
All the games I really want to play are on Steam, and steam won’t run at all on my computer system. My only hope is that some of them, someday, get ported over to the Switch.
Damn I thought this was pasta at first. If not, it should be.
Ok I admit my ignorance, what is “pasta?” Because you might be right - I just don’t know the term other than a kind of noodle.
