Up until I started working, I didn’t really encounter that question. When I did start working, people started asking me that question.
Them: Where are you from?
Me: Canada.
Them: Where are your grandparents from?
Me: Canada.
Them: Ok, where are your great grandparents from?
Me: Canada.
It’s irritating sometimes. I just want to exist, do my job and go home, like anyone else. Once is ok, twice is odd, three times is weird, and the fourth time is a pattern.
The only accent that I might have would probably be from Newfoundland, Canada, as I grew up with a lot of people from there. I also talk too fast sometimes.
Have you had similar experiences, and if so, how did you handle it? Can fast speech patterns cause this? Why do random people care so much?
Sounds like the correct answer to the question is Newfoundland, if it isn’t the accent it is probably some regional colloquialisms.
When someone asks me where I am from I normally say the city / province. I would never answer Canada while I was in Canada having the conversation.
After the second time you should just respond “don’t overthink it”
Oh my goodness. I am pretty much garden variety white, fair skin, blue eyes, dark hair, but mom’s dad was half native American or Mexican (such a brutal upbringing he never talked about them so she didn’t know for sure beyond “Oklahoma”), she looked more native in features, I got some of that and what I got asked down here when young is “what are you?”
It may be your accent but maybe it’s your looks. I think just responding, “Canada, what about you?” is correct.
As to why people care, I don’t rightly know. Maybe they think you might like to talk about it, or like to put people in boxes or don’t know you and are trying awkwardly to make small talk.
Asking where you are from is pretty normal conversation, especially if you have a noticeable accent. Asking where your parents/grandparents/etc are from is less common. Are you by chance not-white? Sometimes these sorts of questions have a race element to them
I think I look pretty white, tbh
ok, but are you? what’s your ethnicity? Just wondering.
Yeah, asking where someone’s from is completely normal but asking where their parents/family is from automatically sets off some racism red flags
Asking where someone’s from is already racist. As white, no one ask me where I am from, or only in late conversation for specific reason. My non-white wife get this question every single time she met a new person.
They’re either making conversation or racist, depending on context. Answering the country you’re from if you’re currently in that country is pretty odd.
But that is the answer to the question. I’m not understanding the alternative. If the person wants to ask, “What race are you?” They should ask using those words.
I can’t recall a time ever needing to know anyone’s race. So I’ve never asked this question in 50 years, but perhaps one day? Idk, seems like a potentially insensitive question.
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Personally when someone asks me where I’m from, I respond in order of:
A) if I’m in my home city, I tell them the province I grew up in (because I came from a small town I would never expect anyone to know, if it was a big city I’d say that.)
B) If I’m away from my home city in my home province, I tell them my home city.
C) if I’m away from my home province, I tell them my home province.
D) if I’m away from Canada I’ll tell them I’m from Canada
E) if based on context it seems they’re asking about my ethnic background, I tell them I’m some kind of western/northern European mutt.
Now obviously I’m white as hell and no accent, but OP is saying they’re basically that as well, so I’m not sure why race would be the assumption for them either. I don’t even know how I would respond if i asked someone at work where they’re from and they answered Canada.
they’re trying to figure out your race or whatever
I mean, there is a chance that somewhere along the way someone was sneaky, so 🤷♀️
This is often a proxy for a different question.
I never know how to answer this. I grew up till middle school in Canada and the rest of my school in India. I rarely get dentist with many Indian traditions, but I also didn’t spend enough time in Canada to be a “real” Canadian.
I just flip a coin in my head and answer each time. And then get the follow-up asking where my parents are from. Just ask my race, you coward.
What IS a real Canadian, though? I know some immigrants who love this country much more than some of the people who were born here.
Many of us are also only here from our ancestors immigrating. How far down the line does one have to be to be a real Canadian? You can’t judge that by DNA, either.
So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. “Oh, you’re from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?” Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don’t show any curiosity about them.
I might or might not be. I was tested as a child, but my parents were told that I had ADHD. They could have been wrong, though. I’ll keep my mind open and maybe get checked out again at some point though.
I would agree with you about the small talk thing, but I could also argue that some people just suck at small talk. ADHD, trauma, behavioural diagnosis, etc could all be a cause. I would also argue that most people would pick up on someone avoiding a topic. If I get one worded answers, I’ll usually move on to the next thing or I’ll let that person be. I won’t usually keep asking someone the same question in different ways if I don’t get an answer the first couple of times haha.
Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.
Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).
I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.
I was late
diagnoseddiscovered as well. Early 30s.I have a decent mask built up but it is really exhausting so I try not to use it if I don’t have to.
On thing I’ve found about small talk is, people love to be told what day it is. Like they ask you “how’s it going?” and you say back “well it sure is a Tuesday!” It’s actually amusing how well it works.
Why would you say Canada? Is Canada homogenous from coast to coast? If I’m talking to people and getting to know where they are from zero of them say “america,” because that doesn’t give any information whatsoever, what do you even expect them to respond with? “Wow I’m from canada too!”
