Just your average urban druid interested in technology and quantum field theory.

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 13th, 2023

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  • As a kid we went to the University of Michigan hospital every six months for my brother.

    One visit we go to the cafeteria for lunch as usual, and there were signs everywhere warning that microwave ovens were in use!

    My mom asked one of the staffers what the signs were for and she told us that it turns out these new devices could affect pacemakers in a real bad way.

    “We found out the hard way when a few patients went into cardiac arrest right here in the cafeteria! Took them awhile to connect the dots…”

    “Oh my god,” my mom said! “Did you lose anyone?”

    “Oh no honey…there ain’t no better place to have one of those than in a hospital!”

    It would be years before we got one at home, and nobody we knew had a pacemaker.















  • Be me: out drinking with friends for several hours.

    Be them: acting completely normal.

    Be me: drinking makes you pee, so me go pee, many times.

    Be us: we’re drunk! Having a great time.

    Be them: still acting completely normal.

    Be me: say good night and put on my leather jacket.

    Be me brain: Damn I’m drunk cuz this thing feels like it weights a ton ! Stumble home.

    Be me front door: watching the confused, bemused, astonished drunk reach for his keys and pull lemon after lime after orange out of his pockets, but no keys.

    Be me front door glass: Watching him stuff them into his jeans pockets like a never ending clown car of NINE pieces of citrus.

    Be me keyhole: Watching drunk-e-poo finally find his keys, and let himself in.

    Be me: laughing and drunk and wondering what the hell’s going on…

    Be them: laughing their asses off, wondering when I’d finally notice that every time I got up to pee they took whole bar garnish and put it in my pockets.






  • Cats are aliens from another planet. A much warmer planet with less gravity!

    • Nothing else explains why a cat will lay in the sun on a very hot day like it’s nothing at all.
    • They also radiate the heat of a small pizza oven.
    • They act like we’re their servants in very un-animal-like ways.
    • They push things off of places all the time, like they’re expecting them to float not fall.
    • They’ll be completely normal, then take off running like their tail’s on fire, just to relish in the high gravity that allows them to jump and land a very short distance away.