followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.
Don’t add the while your around bit.
I’m going to work on improving my language, and I’ll be mindful going forward, it’s a very deep habit, so please bear with me.
Also, don’t say, “I wasn’t aware it was so important to you.” That’s definitely a trigger phrase.
Try, “Thank you for letting me know this is important for you,” (or “how you feel”) instead.
I am going to work on improving my language, and I will be mindful going forward. It’s a very deep habit, so please bear with me. Thank you for letting me know this is important for you.
Not too shabby!
Yes! Love it.
I hear “I wasn’t aware” as sarcasm a lot.
“Oh SOWWIE I wasn’t AWARE I couldn’t shit on the floor!”
Vs
“Thank you for letting me know it is important not to shit on the floor.”
Dunno. I’d expect grown ass adults to be able to put their personal feelings aside for the sake of professional obligations. If your coworker is gonna get upset at everything, he’s not in for a very good time.
I agree with the sentiment, but if we’re going to make that argument based around professionalism, I would also have to argue that it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
So maybe this is a situation where both sides can grow.
it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
That depends massively on the profession, setting, and context.
Restaurant kitchen where something gets spilled, a trade where something unexpectedly breaks, a couple lawyers without anyone else around finding out their client is on camera admitting to the crime, etc. are all fine to say a calm ‘oh fuck’ as a reaction. Someone in an open office who yelled it because their code didn’t compile would not be acting very professional.
OP is a nurse in a hospital.
If no patients were around then an excited utterance gets a free pass.
It may be more common among certain job types, but I don’t think that makes it professional behavior to do so regardless of the type of work.
Found the op’s coworker.
Any outburst would be unprofessional, a specific word changes nothing unless directed at someone.
Than replacement words shouldn’t be acceptable either, you can either express your frustration or you can’t. A choose of word shouldn’t make a difference, it should be unprofessional to make an outburst at all if that’s the case.
It doesn’t seem to me that OP’s coworker had an issue with professionalism. Rather, they seem to have been triggered by the use of the word
OP came to share a thing they’re doing and you built this story as a extremely sensitive coworker?
Getting offended by “fuck” is very sensitive behaviour
Extremely.
I work in a very large tech company. I curse like a fucking sailor around some people and use my church voice around others. Expletives lose their punch when used too often.
I wouldn’t apologize or bring it up further. The time for an apology about language spoken in the heat of the moment is as soon after as possible.
The best apology is a change in behavior.
Good luck navigating this, you can see how contentious a topic it is by the comments in this thread. But it boils down to know your audience, and believe people when they tell you they have a problem.
I remember working in the London UK office and we curse non-stop over there it’s great. Whenever our colleagues from SF would visit they would always be surprised how much we swear. I’d see them do the turnaround like, ‘what just happened?’.
is it an office. if so the apology should be more about your behavior in a professional setting not just around one person. If its blue collar it might apply if members of the public are around.
This is a solid point.
In a polite environment like an office, if one person was offended enough to call it out, there’s a huge chance others feel the same way.
I mean there will always be Karen’s who flip out that you’re just eating chips loudly.
But It’s up to the company culture to decide how to approach it as a whole, rather than address it with a single person.
Somewhat. the office environment is the employers and generally follows a civil discourse type of rule. Again in blue collar if your on a site and everyone there is just a worker then usually swearing is commonplace but if your doing a job at a home and the homeowners are around its generally frowned upon. Public businesses usually do not allow it but will let it slip if its not confrontational or often. So basically the apology is more about the owner of the space I would say and whats appropriate.
I would censor the work f–k because it might come off like you’re being passive aggressive and aren’t really trying. Reminds of the time the actor that played Burke on Grey’s Anatomy called the actor that played George a fa—t, then made a public apology saying he’s sorry he called him a fa—t and that he wont say fa—t again, except he said the word. People got even more pissed, and I think he was fired from the show. 🤦
I previously made a comment on how I’ve learned to apologize if you’re interested.
I would censor the work f–k
Instance checks out
You don’t have to say anything, just change the behavior around them. If you’re required to apologize, “I’m sorry. I’ll work on that.” should suffice
Not everything is about what we’re “required” to do. If op wants to apologize, why try and talk them out of it?
*Edit to add this clip since it’s been echoing in my head for weeks now and it’s relevant: https://files.catbox.moe/ozpjht.mp4
I agree. Id prefer to just address it openly and directly.
Comes across as a snide non-apology to me. Regardless of whether an apology or whatever is warranted, the phrasing here sounds nothing like an apology if that’s what you’re going for
I wouldn’t wory too much about that coworker, if they can’t handle something as banal as fuck, it’s their problem, not yours
Until it’s escalated, and then it’s definitely OPs problem. Most jobs have something about professionalism written is their handbook. The coworker will win that fight with hr every time.
Than they can fight that any outburst is unprofessional and they are being harassed for what other coworkers are doing.
Fuck Shit Damn Shoot Darn
No difference, zero, but personal offense for arbitrary reasons.
True in theory, but in practice, those are pretty much universally accepted curse words. I personally swear all of the time when I know the audience I’m around, and hear people swearing from across my office, so culturally it’s not a thing where I work or especially my previous manufacturing job. In places that have outside customers or patients, the expectation is generally different and varying levels of masking those outbursts is required, sometimes even saying things like "crap"is too much.
It’s part of my religion, are you trying to suppress my religious rights?
Or something like that, there’s always an angle to play if someone wants to be petty or want to exert their “power” over their coworkers.
Wow, you’re all wrapped up in power dynamics you have zero sense of courtesy for others.
Hey, again, you don’t want to play along, that’s fine - you’ll be the one to reap what you sow.
And in today’s business climate of 360° reviews, HR over-reach, etc, you’ll be the one missing out. Pretty much anyone in a business environment would agree that cussing is inappropriate. If nothing else, it demonstrates someone’s lack of ability to either recognize their audience, or (as in your case), to be dismissive of them.
Cuss all you want, just don’t cry when you’re offered up during layoffs.
Curtesy? Dont say dang darn or shoot, theres zero difference, but it’s okay for you to have an outburst of frustration, but not for others?
Thats hella biased dude.
All outburst are either acceptable, or they aren’t, why are justifying one’s but disallowing someone else’s? For arbitrary reasons, when they can actually have valid reasons for their use, despite you not wanting to educate yourself.
This is more than about cussing, it’s about any inappropriate outburst, but of course people try to justify their own, while decrying others.
The one being biased and harassing someone for something they also do, would be the hr issue and the one up for layoffs dude, do you work in HR or something?
Lol, you’re funny.
Go say “fuck” while standing in front of a judge. It’s banal, so it’s his problem, right?
Until he fines you for contempt of court. Or jails you for continuing to say fuck after being warned.
Society as a whole is a judge. If you refuse to try to get along with the rest of society, it may decide to not get along with you.
Vast majority of society does it, a small fraction make a big deal out of it, some do it behind closed doors, but to say society condemns it is just wrong, it’s only a small fraction of a over controlling corp jobs that disallow it. But what’s funny, those execs are all doing it themselves, maybe open the curtain and stop doing what a small portion of society has deemed “acceptable” for the rest of the world.
Some judges won’t care, others would love to swing their power around, you seem to be wanting to be crushed am quieted by those above you for no reason other than their own enjoyment of theirs hypocrisy over you.
Say darn, shoot, dick, dang to a judge and you can have similar results as fuck, so what’s your point here? What isn’t a cuss to you may be a cuss to someone else, yet you want a few people to be the judge of everything? Sure makes sense
Also, 1/6 of the world speaks English, you could use that exasperation in over 80% of society and no one would even know what you said…… I wonder if you realize how many people cuss in their own language that you don’t even realize or know about……
I hate your coworker
My neighbor passed away and a new family moved in. Talking with dad, I noticed he didn’t swear much. I said a handful of curse words the first few times we talked. I noticed he was a little put off. So I just made a conscious effort to not curse around him. Never apologized, just tried not to. Pretty sure he’s noticed and appreciates it.
“I’ll try and be more professional in the future.”
This way you’re not judging them or yourself, you’re saying you understand that there’s a code of behavior the bosses expect everyone to follow.
This assumes OP was not professional. The best answer is “thank you for making aware of your feelings”. They will think they are right and you can turn around, roll your eyes and make a jacking off motion.
This is a terrible apology. You make it all about then instead of your actions and then don’t even say you won’t do it, but only that you’ll try to do it…and then immediately dropping the f bomb throwing out the window any chance that you’re “trying” means anything.
“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”
That’s enough.
I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.
So. Your co worker NEVER watches TV? You know? Where swearing is everywhere.
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